Operation: spill the beans

I asked a friend of mine to "talk" to m today. I wanted to know how he is -- since he's obviously not talking to me. They're actually talking right now. As I am on the verge of tears waiting on how their conversation went.

I gave her his YMid. Well, she didn't tell him to whom she got it. For sure, he wouldn't talk to her, and he would go ballistic if he finds out its me. As my friend keeps on talking -- more of "chatting" with him, I found him friendly. He was like M last 2004.. I miss him... ugh! I can't believe I'm gonna cry.. Obviously, he changed -- towards me. And, it hurts. Badly. I try not to cry. My sister is here. I can't risk it.

But you know what, as the night gets deeper, I realized that I still care for him. I realized, I should let go, or these feelings won't go away. I know, I kinda used my friend to know everything about him, is it bad? I don't know. Am I doing the right thing? I don't know.

It goes to show that when you love someone, no matter how hard it is, you will go out of your way, out of your league just to know if he's okay. You'll do whatever it takes just to know he's not in trouble, just to know how life's treating him. Will it do you any good? No. It'll only make the "hope", the "dreams" and the "wishes" grow. It'll only make the scar deeper than expected. It'll only hurt you more. These are the times when reality strikes you. When it tells you to face the facts and go on with life, even though you're alone. But hey, it'll make you even more independent, right? And that right person for you will come your way soon.

Broken promises and tears may seem to be sad. But as the sadness moves in, a new door for a new beginning slowly opens. Cheer up! Everything will be put in place. Wear that smile proud and as you move forward, never look back. Sometimes, looking back is what's preventing you from living life to the fullest!Ü