walk away - paula deanda

I saw you with your new girl just yesterday and I feel that I must confess
even though it kills me to have to say ill admit that I was impressed
is it calling just showed up affection
gotta commend you on your selection
though I know I shouldnt be concerned
in the back of my mind I cant help but question

does she rub your feet (when you've had a long day)
scratch your scalp (when you take out your braids)
does she know that you (like to play ps2 till 6 in the morning like I do)

[chorus] I cant explain this feeling
I think about it everyday
and even though we've moved on
it gets so hard to walk away

I guess I gotta live my life from day to day hoping maybe you'll come back
and though I tell myself not to be afraid to move on but it seems I cant
no other man has given me attention
it aint the same as your affection though
I know I should be content
in the back of my mind I cant help but question

does he kiss me on the forehead (before we play)
show on my doorstep (with a bouquet)
does he call me in the middle of the day (just to say)
baby I love you (like you used too)

[chorus]

[bridge] so hard to express this feeling cause nobody compares to you (to you)
and you know she'll never love you like I do

***it really is hard to walk away. this song says it all. this is true, for him and i. well, except for the new guy/girl part. that is so not true! (for me atleast, i'm not sure about him) it hurts. i had a class with his cousin's section. it was fun. until she made me remember him. i wanted to cry. i wanted to tell her everything. i wanted her to let him know everything. but the thing is, we weren't alone. like what i said, i was a student-teacher for today. i taught classes. max. # of students in a class in grade3 is 45. so, tell me, how could i cry with that number of kids?!

Ate Bianca: student-teacher

The title says it all. I am a student-teacher. Well, for the day. haha!

I kinda got in late -- AGAIN! They were starting the assembly in the gym (for the HS students), and in the classrooms (for the Elem. students) already. So, I went straight to my advisory class, Grade3-Pio. During the assembly, I caught some of them looking at me. Haha! Some of the girls there even liked what I wore. hehe. We had a seatwork. Mrs. Cabalona was the one who prepared it. All I had to do was to write on the diary "Science - Bring one tennis ball on Monday (if there's any) for the activity." haha. I memorized it. Try writing that on the diary corner of EVERY 3rd Grade class. Then, we had the chance to check their work!Ü

Then, I followed my schedule. The most behave class that I handled were 3-Angela and Celano, the most energetic was 3-John, the most lively was my advisory class, 3-Pio, and the naughtiest were 3-Lawrence, and Peter.

They asked for my autograph, and my number! haha. Some of them were still shy towards me. Though I try to make it a point that I get to know all of them. But in every section, there were some students who I got to know. In Pio, there were Rebecca, Mari Kyle, Joseph, Aljin, and my bestfriend there (haha.) Juswille (is it with an 'a' or with a 'u'?).

Some brothers and sisters of my batchmates were my students. Like Jillian (Justine), Robin's sis, Stephen (Ivan), Alvin's bro, Abbie C.'s sis, Thea's cousin. haha! I can't remember them all. They're just so many!

I hope it'll be until Monday. I really had a blast!Ü It was very tiring, though. I know now how hard it is to be a teacher. I'll really miss those kids who I got to know. Especially in 3-Pio.Ü

Student-teacher? ME?!

Stupid. The best word to describe me.Ü Lately, I've been meeting "new guys", though I'm just wasting my time since I'm "trying" to forget *him* through them. Bad, harsh, evil, mean? I know. I'm not doing it on purpose. It just seems that when I start liking someone "new", he'll walk away from me (not literally) and THAT will make me think about *him* more. 9 months and counting, and yet he's still a part of me. He'll always be a part of me. I still linger for him. Too bad, though. He doesn't know how much he means to me. I want to show him how much he means to me, the only thing I need from him is a chance. I gave him all the chances that he needed, or he wanted! But me? This IS the only time that I'M needing A chance. But he can't even give me JUST ONE! It's getting in my nerves, I just don't know why I can't give up. :'(

Today, I had 2 meetings in a row. One, was for the SAGE (student council).. late pa nga kami eh! All the while we thought we were early. Un pala, Magkaiba ung time sa clock ng library compared sa canteen. haha! Then, meeting for the student counterparts of the different teachers in school. I was assigned to a Grade3 Science teacher, si Ms.Cabalona. WAAAH! Ang tataas ng energy nila! One class pa lang, pagod na ako! but it was funÜ First time ko kasi mag-student-teacher. heheÜ

Well, tomorrow, whole day akong teacher. Sana kayanin ko.. T_T and as for the certain *him* that I was referring to kanina., I'll give it a rest for awhile. He's not the only guy in the world, right? But he's the only guy who can treat me that way.. :'(

I still..

valentine's day.. it was the day when he would give so much effort just to make me feel special. But that was before. Before we broke up.

I've accepted it. For awhile, I was still craving for you. I wanted you, I was needing you. But then, I felt I was craving for someone more than to you. I started missing him. I wanted to talk to him every chance I get. But at the end of the day, I still think of you.

I miss you, still. I love you, still. I still cry when I read your letters or hear your voice, and even when I hear/read your name. But, I love someone new. It's kinda odd writing it, it's odd even saying it, but true. I couldn't imagine myself being with another guy, but here I am, revealing it all. I still cry. I am crying. I wonder what you'll say when I tell you I love someone else. Would it matter to you? Would you even care?

At one point, everybody will learn how to let go. But what if you think you let go, you've started to love someone else, but your heart starts beating fast the moment something reminds you of the past, what will happen? What will you do? Nothing? I don't think so. There's a solution for every problem. It's obvious, sometimes, we just pretend like we don't see it. We think it'll stop the hurt, the pain. But it only grows stronger, deeper. Just like that saying that I heard in One Tree Hill... "How can you ease the hurt that never stops?"

For a fact, I love him. I love someone new. But the hardest thing is, I still love you....

someone's special day

just another ordinary day? i doubt that... it's Marty's 17th birthday today.. i greeted him kaninang 12:12am... ang aga noh? loka-loka na siguro ako at hinintay ko pa ang midnight... haii..

anyway, my friend (marte) gave my number to this guy named paolo (though i call him "pao" 'cause he told me to.. haha!) he's nice.. another textmate, friend, and another guy that i know sa DonBosco Makati.. dumadami na ah.. haha!! ang bait nga niya eh.. i was surprised when he said he's living in betterliving (that's where i live.. :D) in parañaque.. then i told myself "bat ka pa nagulat? eh kung si Marty nga taga-SunValley nag-aaral sa LaSalle Greenhills, eto pang si Pao na taga-BetterLiving nag-aaral sa DonBoscoMakati?!" haha! stupid me...

alvin hasn't texted me yet.. getting kinda worried/don't care/ suspicious.. worried 'cause something might have happened to him.. don't care 'cause he's always like that.. suspicious 'cause gelo REPEATEDLY tells me that he's a player... i don't wanna be fooled, right?!

if you noticed, i've been writing different names of different guys.. one reason, to forget about *him*.. it's kinda tiring, though.. 'cause it's not working anyway...


PS: HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY MARTY!