am i still holding on?

ok.. so, this is the new year already... 2007 na.. and why am i still shedding tears for him? i know.. first love ko si marty.. siguro i took it so emotionally.. lalo na ung nangyari nung december.. but, what does this mean? what does dirv introducing me to his friend, named MARTE mean?! see the difference? last letter lang.. just change it to "y".. gawd!! bakit ganito!? siguro nga dahil first love ko sya.. first boybud.. first kuya.. and is still my bestfriend.. that's why it's hard to get over him..

khalil... hehe.. the guy i'm slightly close to.. but he hasn't replied to any of my txts since last decemeber.. sayang nga eh... he's a nice guy.. and a good friend of mine.. i just don't know why he's not replying.. changed his number? maybe.. no load? up until now? maybe...

dirv.. the only guy i call "kuya" at the moment.. he's a nice guy.. kalog.. to the max.. haha! he comforted me when i needed it since the start.. that's why i call him kuya.. ang kulit nga nito eh.. pero, ang ayaw ko lang sa kanya is.. MAGKAMUKHA SILA NI MARTY!!!!

and then there's mike.. someone who i've been texting since '06.. obviously, we're STILL not close.. hehe.. considering i met him last year pa.. but... am i focusing on the little things too much?! what did he mean by "ok lang ba kung mas matanda ako sayo?" weird, right? maybe im just being too OC.. but, don't get me wrong.. i really want to be close to mike.. he's a really nice guy.. :) he seems to be the kind of guy who i want to be friends with.. bestfriends.. or a big bro...

aki,.. aki. aki. haha! my suitor who hasn't been texting me.. strange isn't it.. i don't know him that well.. except for the fact that he's into bossanova, and that kabarkada nya bestfriend ko, si justine.. mabait sya.. siguro, .. ewan.. hehe..

alvin? naku, ang ka-tropa ni gubat... isang napakakulit na nilalang.. but he's been there for me.. whenever im crying, he's the first person i text (besides my cousin, nin, and justine, pag may globe load ako...).. he's really nice.. nakakatawa and nakakatuwa sya ka-txt..

gubz.. my classmate.. lately ko lang sya naging ka-close.. siguro over the christmas break... like alvin, he's been there for me.. he's like my bigbro! :) un nga lang.. nang-aasar sya.. hehe.. he's nice, too.. :)

the new guy, marte.. i don't know him that well.. i just started texting him kanina.. it was pretty hard 'cause everytime i text him, i see the name 'marty'.. and i'm STILL in the "mending-my-broken-heart" stage.. right?

a lot of names were mentioned but still, marty's on my mind.. i can't get him out of it!!! HELP!!

not to mention my "best friend" joshua.. up until now, we haven't been talking to each other, smiling at each other, or even acknowledging each other... he's one of my kuyas.. and the strange thing is.. lumayo sya sakin right after we made up after an argument.. his reason? i still don't know.. i really wanna know why... why would he be not talking to me after we apologized to each other? isn't it strange?

so many boys, but they're just FRIENDS... not for the meantime.. not for so long.. not for too long.. just FRIENDS.. and i intend it to keep it that way.. so, i wouldn't lose any friendship that i gained.... you guys don't know how hard it is...